by Jose Sealtiel Cruz

Malacañang shocked the nation at noon of June 30 as Harry “Nutty” Roque, former maroon turned Palace import and spokesperson, announced that they have successfully upset the UP team by a margin short of 4,000 (36,438-40,000) and tying the semifinals at 1-1, dispelling doubts over the Palace’s capabilities.

“Today is the last day na pala! Ano bang sinasabi ko? Wala na po, panalo na pala tayo,” said the visibly jovial Roque, pumping his fist in the air in the post-game press conference.

The surprise came after Malacañang has earned the World Hoops Association (WHO) title as the hottest-growing team in the Western Pacific region.

Palace supporters have blasted their joy in social media sites, with hashtag #WeWeeAsOne trending on Twitter.

The UP team declined to make a statement for the article, but sources say that the team will protest the results over technicalities and score tampering.

Ateneo coach Tab Baldwin welcomes the surprise win of the underdogs, saying that “the team will continue learning [Malacañang’s] play style and will adapt accordingly. I know I have the best team the league has seen for years, but we will not let our guard down.”

“Perhaps they should no longer look over our team as puppies in a crib but as lions ready to pounce,” chided Roque.

Malacañang head coach Rodrigo Duterte is expected to release a statement in his wee-hours address. Fans speculate that Duterte will finally put Bong Go in the coaching team, despite looming questions of Go’s previous coaching fiascos.

The team accepted the invitational against UP that will run for the entirety of July, with UP hedging their bets to 60,000 at month-end.

“Let’s do it again in July! So we are winning,” Roque said.

NOTE (01/07/2020 20:40): As of press release, Malacañang head coach Duterte has yet to acknowledge the recent success of his team in his wee-hours address, but has called for the investigation of Ju&Tay Depressed after not receiving their Powerade purchase order.

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